


Marauders Never Say Commend

by ChasingSunlight, sunny_bb



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23548648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingSunlight/pseuds/ChasingSunlight, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunny_bb/pseuds/sunny_bb
Summary: Model United Nations isn't just an extracurricular activity. It's a lifestyle. The Marauders have been kicking ass and taking names at competitions and there's been no one who so far who can compete with the Golden Boys. That is until Lily Evans shows up on the scene.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 21





	Marauders Never Say Commend

**Author's Note:**

> Some basic Model United Nations terms to get us through :)
> 
> Model United Nations: an extracurricular activity where students represent a country and mock a session of the United Nations. Students are given a world issue to debate on and will debate from the perspective of their chosen country. The goal of Model UN is to “solve” a world issue in a manner that fits the represented country. 
> 
> Chair: person or persons who are in charge of mediating a Model UN committee. They are responsible for making sure that the committee is on task. 
> 
> Committee: Each Model UN conference has several committees, each with their own debate topics. Students belong to committees and debate their country’s policy there. 
> 
> Credentials: Essentially a name badge, with your represented country and your real name. Students must wear credentials in committee. 
> 
> Delegate: Delegate is what each student is referred to at a Model UN conference. Delegates represent their country. For example, the delegate from India (i.e. the student representing India in committee)
> 
> Resolution: during committee, students write resolutions or papers explaining how they want to solve the issue that is being discussed in committee. Once a draft of the resolution is written, delegates will debate whether or not they think the resolution should be passed (i.e. countries agree to implement the solution posed in the resolution.)
> 
> Substantive Debate: the time period during conference when delegates debate over resolutions
> 
> Voting Block: the time period during conference when delegates vote on passing or striking down a resolution.
> 
> Unmoderated Caucus: the time period during conference where delegates informally meet to discuss the issue, write drafts of resolutions, and try to garner support for their ideas.

“The count is up to 97,” James leans across the row of desks, pointing at the row of tally marks in the notebook. 

“No, it’s 96, stop padding the total,” Remus replies without looking up from his laptop.

“I maintain that the count is 97, given that the word stroke is a synonym for commend and thus, counts towards the final tally.” 

“Stroke does not count. We specifically stated that we were tallying how many delegates say the word commend.” Peter argues, flat voiced. The natural light in the room makes his pale skin look warm as his dull blue eyes nervously skitter across the room. Chestnut hair flops messily onto his forehead.

“Still counts,” James repeats.

“Synonyms count,” Sirius complains.

“No, they don’t,” Peter insists.

“Oh my god, shut up and pay attention. Committee is about to be called back to order.” Remus says. The sound of a gavel brings the boys’ attention to the front of the room. “Delegates, please make your way back to your seats.” the chair calls. The fifty college students milling around the room begin to shuffle back to their places, chattering as they go. 

The lecture hall is warm with early spring sunlight. It filters through the high windows and illuminates the ever-present clouds of dust floating in front of the sliding chalkboard. The debate is still interesting enough that no one is drowsy quite yet, but James isn’t optimistic about things staying that way. His gaze travels across the tiered seats below him and the rows upon rows of placards resting on the desks. His attention snaps to the table on the lecture stage as the chair calls the committee back to order with a decisive bang of the gavel.

“Brief housekeeping measures,” the chair drones from the front of the room. The chairs in this committee aren’t the best that the conference has ever provided. “Remember that all delegates must be wearing their credentials so we know who you are. A reminder that lunch is at noon, no exceptions. And please keep decorum during speeches. It is rude to talk while others are giving speeches. Are there any motions on the floor?”

A slight boy at the front of the room raises his placard high in the air. The chair leans across the table to read the country name. “India, under what motion do you rise?”

“India would like to rise under Procedural Rule 25, Point of Information.

“That’s in order.” says the chair, an exasperated expression flickering briefly across his face before it settles into something neutral. This is the fifth time that the delegate from India has risen under a P-25 to ask for clarification. 

“Would the chair please explain the flow of debate again?” the delegate asks. The question is met with snickers and groans from the committee; the kid is clearly a first-year. Bless his heart, Sirius thinks. Committee is droning on and on and on and honestly, Sirius Black did not come here to listen to a first-year Model United Nations delegate snivel his way through procedural motions. But he will. For McGonagall. And also because he doesn’t want his ass beat after committee for “snark and conduct unbecoming, Mr. Black.”

“Of course, delegate. We are now in general debate on topic one, The Impact of Climate Change on Vulnerable Populations. We will proceed through the speaker’s list, allowing delegates to give their speeches and entertain comments and questions. We will then proceed through substantive debate and voting block. The chairs will provide supporting commentary as we move along through debate.”

Sirius slouches over his desk and raises his eyebrows at James, who is three seats down. James wriggles his eyebrows back, head tilted to the side as his expression shifts into a meaningful grimace.

“Mood,” Remus deadpans under his breath from between them. He pretends not to notice as his friends stifle giggles.

“The committee will now break for a fifteen-minute unmoderated caucus.” the chair announces. “Please return at 11:45.” As soon as the gavel slams down, the boys are out of their seats, crowding around Remus and his open laptop.

“Listen, I’m all for open democracy and shit but people who didn’t do Model UN in high school should not be allowed to do it in college. This is ridiculous.” James complains, making grabby hands across the desk for Remus’ laptop. “Let me fix the operative clauses in that resolution so we can be done with this topic.” Remus hands the laptop across the desk and settles back in his chair to watch James work. 

“You were once a first-year too, you know.” Peter points out from behind, both sensibly and annoyingly. 

“There is no way in hell we were ever that clueless our first year.” Sirius tosses over his shoulder with certainty as he strides across the room towards a cluster of delegates, intent on recruiting support for their resolution.

“Bullshit. We all know McGonagal nearly killed you both your first year,” Remus mutters to James, “The e-sports story is practically legend at this point.”

“Remus, rule number one of our friendship. We do not talk about the e-sports story.” James grumbles.

“Wait, I thought rule number one of our friendship is mauraders never say commend?” Remus asks.

“No, that’s rule number one of MUN. Rule number one of friendship is Shut the Fuck Up Sirius.” Peter quips. 

“Correct, Peter, thank you,” James nods.

The boys laugh before returning to their work. A good ten minutes pass before Sirius makes his way back to them. 

“If India comes over here, I’m going to literally ascend to the astral plane. He’s so annoying. I hate him with every gay fiber of my being.” Sirius groans with an exaggerated slump into his chair.

“Astral projection would be a form of temporal movement and since we haven’t developed the theoretical math to get through a black hole, it would be most improbable to expect yourself to astral project.” Peter deadpans.

“Fuck off, Peter, you know what I meant.”

“Sirius if you don’t stop fucking around I swear I’m going to bump every gay fiber of your being off this resolution and you can fend for yourself. Peter, come help me reword this line,” Remus says, pushing the laptop across the table.

“Yeah, I got it, Remus, give it here,” says Peter, settling down with a look of concentration. 

James’ gaze is drawn away from the resolution and across the room to a pair of heads bent low over a laptop. One of those heads, unchangingly greasy, belongs to Severus Snape. Snape showed up on the MUN scene last year. A loner with a complex, he immediately fell into the typecast role of always representing a country with polarizing international policy, just so he can be a dick in committee. Selfish, rude, and condescending- Snape’s goal at conference is to make everyone else feel small so that he can feel big. Unfortunately, his terrible personality came with razor-sharp intelligence. He was a dick, but a competent one. Last year’s final conference ended with an epic showdown between Snape and the newly coined Marauders, with collegiate Model UN’s new golden boys tanking every resolution Snape presented to the committee. The fallout was, in Sirius’s words, “an epic rivalry that is both fresh and hateful.”

The girl at Snape’s side is a newcomer, a redhead. So far, she seems to be connected at the hip to Snape; she’s clearly a first-year that he’s manipulated to do the dirty work of recruiting support for their trash resolution. Typical Snape, recruiting the most helpless newbie in the room, James thinks. The new girl is tall, graceful, and undeniably delicate. Her flaming red hair is pulled into a neat bun. Freckles dot her face and her green eyes scan frantically across the screen in front of her. Luckily for Snape, she’s representing China, which is one of the more difficult countries to gain support for but is a plausible ally for North Korea to pursue. Although she’s obviously inexperienced, her behind the scenes diplomacy is good enough that she’s gathered a significant group of delegates around Snape’s laptop. She’s working them hard too, throwing out buzzwords and gently nudging the conversation her way. If she were less pretty, or less competent, or less attached to Snape, then maybe James would be less annoyed that she’s in his committee.  
Needless to say, James is pretty irritated as he swivels his attention back to Sirius and Peter. 

“As I was saying before Peter rudely interrupted me with science and fact, North Korea keeps poaching our support! How is it that North Korea has more support than the majority of the European voting bloc? Please explain to me how that is?” Sirius bemoans, arms and legs akimbo where he’s sprawled gracelessly in his chair. 

“It’s China,” James glares across the room at the new girl, “We all know Snape can’t diplomacy for shit. She’s doing all the recruiting and he’s wording the resolution carefully enough that people feel okay supporting North Fucking Korea.”

“So you’re saying the greasy bat and his new redheaded sidekick are gonna tank our resolution just to spite us?” 

“It’s not gonna tank. We’re gonna finish these operative clauses and then meet them head to head in the middle of substantive debate which, if you remember correctly, happens to be our particular skill set.” Remus rationalizes, “Now, go turn this resolution in to the chair and get your ass back so we can strategize.”

“Save that voice for the bedroom, Re, damn,” Sirius winks cheekily at his boyfriend, who immediately flips him the bird.

“We know we have the better resolution. Snape isn’t as smart as he thinks he is. We’ve never not gotten our resolution passed,” James ignores Peter’s incredulous look and pushes on, “We’ve got this. No worries.”

\--  
“So...”

“I know”

“She just...”

“I know.”

“She tanked our resolution...and then got the votes to pass hers?”

“I just...our committee passed a climate change resolution sponsored by North Korea and China. Two countries with the most contentious international policy in the UN. Am I missing anything?” Remus asks, throwing his hands up in exasperation, his expression sour. 

“I mean, she did it while looking really fucking hot and I’m saying that as a gay man sooo.” Sirius mocks. James reaches across the cafeteria table and smacks him upside the head with a resounding thump.

“I hate to kill the mood even more boys,” Peter says, “but beyond the fact that a first-year delegate tanked our resolution, ruined our spotless record for substantive debate wins, and did it all in the course of an hour, we’re going to have to explain to McGonagall how committee went when we see her tonight.” 

As the group lets out a collective groan, Marlene McKinnon slides into the booth next to Remus.

“Hey, golden boys,” she says with a smirk, “Word is your first resolution got nuked by North Korea.”

“If you’re here to be an asshole you can just leave.” James complains. 

“No, I’m genuinely curious. You learned substantive debate at McGonagall’s tit and she’s objectively the most competent person here. How did it happen?” Marlene leans back with a grin.

“Okay. First off, leave our mother’s tit out of this.” Sirius says with fake affront. “Second, it wasn’t North Korea, it was China. Snape is North Korea and he’s never beat us in substantive debate. Ever.”

“China is pretty shit in our committee.” says Marlene, “Some first-year idiot.”

“Well she’s obviously pretty fucking good in our committee. She spotted the one weakness in our resolution and tore it wide open. Made us look like greedy capitalists.” Remus shoots back, crossing his arm over his chest. The perfectionist in him bristles at the open wound that is his resolution’s glaring mistake. 

“Holy shit, you’re even admitting that she’s good! She must be something. I wish I’d seen it.” Marlene glances briefly past Remus to the other side of the room. “Well fuck, boys. Don’t look now but your mama’s on her way over. And I’m on my way out. Don’t die.”


End file.
